Going through a divorce is an emotional time for everyone involved. When my ex husband and I split not even six months ago I was devastated and hurt by the things that he had said and done throughout our marriage. I was angry at the position he had put me and our son in. It was far from fair and there were times when I honestly hated him for it. Our son was 2 ½ at the time and while he didn’t understand the logistics of everything that was going on he did know that something was wrong. Dad was gone, Mom was crying all the time, and we were moving in with Grandma and Grandpa. That was a lot for a little guy to take in. I started to see that it was affecting him. He was no longer that happy baby he once was. He became extremely needy and very sensitive. He was struggling with the situation just as much as I was, and I wasn’t helping at all. After that first month I realized that I had to pick myself up, and while I was still hurting very much on the inside I knew that I couldn’t let him see it anymore. It was up to me to show him that we were going to be ok.
It is so important to keep the children out of your divorce as much as you possibly can. They are already being affected by it, they don’t need any added stress of Mom and Dad’s feelings. Always speak kindly about your ex to your children. Whether you like it or not, that is still their parent, and they love BOTH of you very much. The feelings toward your ex may be justified, but sharing them with your children will only hurt them. That is somebody that they love and care about; let them find the truth on their own.
When your ex comes to pick up the kids, be civil to one another. You don’t have to be best friends, if you were you probably wouldn’t have been divorced in the first place, but show your children that you are still a team. Like it or not, you still have to work together and it is better to show a united front for your children’s sakes. It will make everyone’s lives, especially your children’s, easier in the long run.
Keeping the divorce between the two of you can be difficult at times, but one day your kids will come and thank you for it. It gives them a chance to just be kids for a while and that is the greatest gift we can give them in this kind of a situation. Be strong for them and in the end it will all work out the way it is supposed to.