Today in part 7 of my series, “How to Push Your Teen Away,” we are going to be talking about criticizing their style. This can be a huge problem. It is not enough that society sometimes judges teens by how they look but they don’t need their parents adding to it.
I remember the day my daughter was first allowed to wear eyeliner. She started off with applying just a bit. Then as time progressed, she began to look more and more like a raccoon.
It drove me nuts. I was constantly telling her to take some off. Then one day I finally had enough.
We were at church and I decided to go into youth group, where my teens were hanging out. I can’t even recall why I went in but the first thing I saw was my daughter’s eyes. She looked fine when we left for church. Apparently she went behind my back and applied more eyeliner.
Angrily I went up to her, in front of her friends and said, “Get in the bathroom!” She immediately knew why I was upset. Oh my, did I ever embarrass her. We went in the bathroom and I handed her some tissue.
She was in near tears, as she began to take off some of her eyeliner. Of course, she was protesting and I was lecturing. When she was done, she stormed off.
A few minutes later I was talking to another mother, whose daughter was a couple of years older than mine. I began to complain about my daughter’s makeup skills. She looked me in the eyes and said, “Some things aren’t worth battling about.”
As we talked, she shared how her daughter used to apply her makeup the same way. But as time went on, she came to realize on her own that she didn’t need so much. Compared to so many other issues that could be going on, eyeliner just wasn’t worth it.
It is something I have been learning these past few years that battles have to be picked carefully. The way our teens style their hair and the clothes they wear can drive us crazy. But think back to your own days as a teen. Did you wear some strange stuff? I’m from the 80’s, so I can definitely attest to that.
Yes, there may be lines that have to be drawn. And depending on your family, you may have certain standards that you have every right to enforce. That’s not what I’m talking about. I am talking about the styles they have that really aren’t worth fighting about.
If we complain about every little thing with our teen—their music tastes, how they style their hair, the way their clothes look and so on—we will only push them away. I say there are times when we just need to put blinders on and remember that “this too shall pass.”
Related Articles:
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Don’t Listen to Them (Part 1)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Focus Only on the Wrong (Part 2)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Expect Your Teen to Be Perfect (Part 3)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Offer Advice When They Don’t Want It (Part 4)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Believe They Don’t Need You (Part 5)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Use Sarcasm to Get Your Point Across (Part 6)
Photo by beer in stock.xchng