Anger in the Muslim Marriage

Have you ever found yourself inexplicably angry at your spouse? Just nitpicking, tearing him apart, and looking for something to be mad about? Or, looking back on an argument, do you ever find yourself unable to pinpoint exactly why you were fighting in the first place? I’m sure we’ve all had these days. Why? Well, it could be that you are, in fact, married to the most annoying person on earth. More likely, though, it is the work of Shaitan (Satan).

It is Shaitan’s mission to destroy marriages. Any time he can create a rift between husband and wife, he rejoices. The sounds of voices raised in anger are music to his hateful ears. Divorce is the ultimate victory for Shaitan.

There are several things we can to do cool our anger and defeat Shaitan:

  1. Think about why you are really angry. Did you have a bad day? Did you have problems at work? It could be that you are mad at life in general, and not at your mate. Sometimes our spouses are just convenient outlets for frustration. Instead of lashing out, turn to your spouse for help. If you open up, you will likely find a set of open arms and a sturdy shoulder.

    If, on the other hand, you really are angry at your spouse, try to find the real root. Focus only on the issue and try to present it in a non-confrontational way. Try to lose some of the anger before you discuss the problem.

  2. Pray together. There is something unifying about prayer. When both of you truly open your heart and let Allah in, prayer cleanses the soul. Prayer connects you to Allah, and to each other.
  3. Read Koran together. There are several verses related specifically to marriage. Reading these can help restore happiness and love.
  4. Reflect on what you have built together. Look around your home, think about your children. When we focus on what we have created, it is difficult to hold on to resentment.
  5. As our resident marriage expert instructs, make a list of your partner’s attributes. It’s hard to stay mad when you are thinking positive thoughts.

No marriage is ever perfect. Even the best partnership will have its problems. The trick is to keep anger under control. By remembering Allah and focusing on your mate’s positives, you can keep Shaitan at bay, en sha Allah.