I try to remind myself that I am not alone—I am in a big club of other single parents who are constantly asked by well-meaning friends and family members if there is “anyone special” in my life or if I have any “relationship” prospects. Even knowing that I am not alone and that there are others coping with these often rude, insensitive and annoying queries, it doesn’t mean that I enjoy it!
I know that everyone from my mother to my best friends is really trying to be concerned about my well-being but there are several things wrong with asking a single parent if they have any relationship prospects—first, it might be a sore subject; either we are too busy, too wounded, or we might be extremely frustrated by the dating scene and the last thing we want to do is talk about it. Secondly, the very question implies that we are pathetic. Don’t these people realize that if we were excited about someone we were seeing that we would tell them? The fact that we are not sharing any “relationship” news probably means that there isn’t any, so why bring it up?
Finally, why is it anyone else’s business? I realized that I never ask anyone else how their “marriage” or “partnership” is going—at least I haven’t asked that question since I left high school (“Are you and Jim still going out?”) so why is it okay to ask a full-grown single person? Of course, I am of the opinion that friends and family members shouldn’t try to fix us up without our permission too, but that is another argument altogether.
All this practice answering the “relationship” question has inspired me to come up with a great, topic-ending answer to the probing inquiry, however. When friends and family members ask me if there is “anyone special” or if I have any “relationship” possibilities, I answer confidently: “Yes, I have three!” and I name off my three children.
Also: Integrating Someone New Into Family Rituals
Being the Date I’d Like to Have