Are You Competing Against Your Spouse?

Competitive people are everywhere. You might even be one of them. There’s certainly nothing wrong with a competitive individual unless the competition is taken into the marriage relationship.

In competitions, our opponents are obviously not on our team. If that same idea were taken into the marriage relationship, then our opponent would be our spouse. This would contradict the very nature of the marriage relationship. After all, a marriage is supposed to promote a partnership.

If competitive people end up getting married, it’s important that they recognize themselves as a partnership, two people rooting for the same team. They need to emphasize to themselves that they are after the same goal: happiness and fulfillment. There is no competition in reaching such goals. As a complementary partnership evolves, both parties find their groove and role in the partnership. The roles may shift and change, grow and flourish, but never will they be in competition.

Some couples start out with the right idea of a partnership, but later in the relationship, grudges form, resentment builds, and before they know it, each of them are competing in a battle of wits and misdeeds. There’s no need to get into such a rut if you remember that you married this person because you loved them, not because you wanted to punish them.

Here are five simple things to remember when you feel that competitive nature in you welling up at the wrong time:

1. Count to ten, and start focusing on how wonderful your spouse truly is.
2. Think of five traits about your spouse that make him or her the perfect partner.
3. Communicate your desire for mutual goal setting.
4. If this were a team competition, how would you establish the perfect roles for you and your partner within that team?
5. Don’t be selfish. Give your spouse a chance to shine as often as possible.

As you begin to view your spouse as a team player and not the competition, you will begin to want to build them up and make them a strong partner on your side.