If your spouse has an affair with someone else, should you take some of the blame?
One issue that I see coming up in the forums often enough to be a concern is the subject of having a spouse who cheats. In many of the posts, the spouse who is being cheated on wants t figure out what he or she did wrong in the relationship to cause the cheating.
There are many things in a married relationship that can lead to cheating. Often women cheat because they are feeling neglected or unloved. Men tend to cheat to increase their self-esteem when they feel that they are constantly being nagged or put down. And while it is true that affairs can be traced back to marital difficulties, it is no one’s fault for cheating but the spouse who is conducting the affair. Let me put it another way. While both spouses usually contribute to marital difficulties and a breakdown in the relationship, the spouse who cheats is ultimately responsible for how he or she reacts to that breakdown.
Sometimes the spouse who cheats is quick to blame the other spouse. This is often a way of deflecting the focus of the affair to avoid conflict or a way of redirecting responsibility for the affair out of guilt. Another way of avoiding responsibility of the affair is to blame the affair on the opposite sex or on the nature of sex. The old “I can’t help it” defense can leave the other spouse wondering if he or she didn’t offer enough support to the cheating spouse to have avoided the affair.
There are many ways to react to a breakdown in the marriage other than cheating. There is communication, there is counseling, and ultimately there is separation or divorce if the marriage can not be repaired. But no matter the outcome, please know that if you have a spouse who cheats, the fault is not yours.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
Related Articles:
One Sign Your Husband May Be Cheating
Signs You May Resent Your Spouse
What Do Men and Women Look for in an Affair?
Attack the Issue, Not Each Other
The Gift of Unconditional Acceptance
For a Good Marriage, Avoid the Story Telling