Recently some married men and women were talking about their respective wives and husbands and a recurring problem. The problem is asking the wrong question.
For example the wife might say, ‘Are you going to leave the light on all night?’
Now I don’t know about you but if someone said that to me I’d be tempted to cheekily say, ‘Yes,’ just to see the reaction.
What the question should have been was, ‘I want to go to sleep. Would you turn the light off please?’
Another that one of the men raised was, ‘Who put that there?’ He went on to say that since there was only him and his wife in the house and she was asking the question, she was obviously blaming him for putting the item there. Of course what she really wanted was the item moved from that place to where it should be. But that’s not the question she asked.
Another one could be, ‘ Are you going to wear that shirt?’ Since the guy’s got it on, it’s obvious he intends wearing it. A better way of handling the situation would be to say,‘I’d really like you to change that shirt for your blue one. With your eyes, the blue always looks so good on you.’
It’s something we need to all be aware of in marriage that we say what we mean clearly, rather than make some vague reference to what we want. Or ask oblique questions.
Maybe we women are guiltier of this than men, I’m not sure. Any thoughts, on that?
As I write this article I’m aware I’ve been known to say, ‘Are you ready for dinner?’ Of course what I mean is, ‘I’m dishing up now, so I’d like you to stop what you’re doing and get ready so we can eat.’ That’s perhaps the only situation I can think of where I ask questions like that. I’ll have to check with Mick and see if there are any others.
I’d love to hear some of your thoughts about the idea of asking the right question or some of the odd questions you or your spouse have asked.
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Gossip and Loyalty in Marriage
Can Self-Control Be a Bad Thing?