Families fostering or adopting older children are usually well trained with ideas on making transition and family living less stressful for everyone. One very important tool adoptive parents of older children are encouraged to use is some kind of “House Rules” system. It’s helpful for everyone involved to understand what the expectations are from the start. Most families are encouraged to put the rules down in writing, either a poster or a contract depending on the age of the child.
House Rules give adoptive parents the chance to let a child know what happens in their Home. In my training, I also learned an important phrase I use very often. “In This House…The Rule is….” This phrase is much different then saying something like, “In our family we don’t…..” Placing the values and rules on the House doesn’t make the rule about the new family it makes it a standard rule everyone follows and doesn’t make anything “personal.”
- In this house we speak in a regular voice, the Rule is no yelling.
- In this house we eat meals at the table, the Rule is no eating anywhere except the table.
- In this house, we close the bathroom door when we take a shower, the Rule is Close the bathroom door when you are in the bathroom.
- In this house, we have a mother who knows how to shop and feed her family, the Rule is mom will feed us.
Establishing House Rules is something many families may benefit doing. Of course, the age a child is when placed for adoption determines how the House Rules will be created, presented and implemented. Adoptive parents should also be aware our children may be emotionally younger then their age, and they may have huge gaps of knowledge and experience. The most important thing is that parents need to establish house rules the child can understand, and if possible play a part in creating.
Children who are raised by only one set of parents may not require formal House Rules, they most likely grow and understand change as time passes. An older adopted child often finds comfort in understanding what is expected and by taking part in the creation and transformation of the House Rules children may feel more personal responsibility in keeping them.
If you are interested in reading more about House Rules you may enjoy reading another Blog, Adoptive Parents True Goals With House Rules.
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