In part one I shared some misconceptions and attitudes in regard to children adopted through the state. Here I’ll continue:
Our child won’t have that ~ If you’re one of the few parents that gets your dream child that is beautiful, smart, fully compliant, then you best hit the slot machines as you are one lucky person! Parents who adopt older children especially are adopting not just the child, but the needs of the child that have to be addressed. Unfortunately, the state agency is not always aware of these needs prior to placement, either because they never got the information, or the issues had not emerged. For a child who’s moving to yet another home, likely it’s an added difficulty in their life. Unless with the birth mother every minute of her pregnancy, when we adopt—especially through the system, we really don’t know if they used drugs and alcohol; regardless of what the tests may have shown at birth or what claims of sobriety the birth mother makes. Be open and ready for anything.
We just transitioned her and she is too good to be true! ~ And likely she is. This is called a honeymoon period. Upon finding your spouse, you may have felt a little like this; feeling blessed, having hope, newness, excitement… But then reality hits and no longer is everyone on their best behavior but starting to relax and let their true self shine. Transition is a critical part in adoption. It is best not to spoil your new child or be too lenient on the rules. It will likely be confusing if one day you should start cracking down and the gifts subside. Though a child will likely feel excitement about their new family, it also means the loss of another. The excitement can then turn into fear of the unknown. Boundaries may be tested and leave you wondering, “Who is this kid?” Just like with any relationship, it takes time to get to know someone and trust them. Be patient, consistent, and understanding.
He’s like this because… ~ You might have good reason to believe your special needs child behaves the way they do because of drug or alcohol exposure, family mental history, abuse and neglect, or several moves. Your suspicions might be correct for the most part; there could be any of these issues or a combination of them. You could also be wrong. As an adoptive parent, sometimes it’s easy for us to use our child’s history as an excuse, but we have to be so careful about that. Remember, a mom can be doing everything right, sober, prenatal visits, vitamins, healthy, and still have a baby with special needs. You owe it to your child to explore every avenue that you can to help them. By chalking it up to an assumed diagnosis, or not seeing the appropriate professional, you may be missing the real issues.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog