Ultimatums are a relationship technique that is often ineffective and causes damage in itself. Why do we issue ultimatums and what are some better ways to deal with an issue? Let’s discuss ultimatums in marriage.
Why are ultimatums used?
In general, ultimatums will be used by someone who may be feeling a bit desperate. If you feel that your needs aren’t being met or if the relationship isn’t going the way that you want it to go, then you might issue an ultimatum. Frustration and lack of communication often breeds ultimatums. It is a way of putting everything out on the table or tossing the issue up in the air to see where it lands. Something will happen after an ultimatum, although usually it is something negative.
Do ultimatums ever work?
If you ever need an issue to be forced, then issuing an ultimatum will certainly do that. But, you have to be prepared for the consequences. I once issued an ultimatum in a budding relationship and got very lucky to experience the outcome that I wanted. But note that this was a budding relationship. I didn’t want to waste time with someone who wasn’t compatible with me. In marriage, however, ultimatums should be avoided.
Why are ultimatums a bad idea?
I mentioned being prepared for the consequences with an ultimatum. In a marriage, ultimatums can be a very dangerous thing. In fact, they have no place in a committed marital relationship. Healthy and happy marriages don’t need ultimatums. It is more important to focus on building your lifelong communication with each other. When you have great communication with your spouse, then there is no need for ultimatums.
Men is particular seem to be negatively affected by ultimatums. They can feel manipulated and withdraw even further away, which does not foster good communication.
Have you ever issued an ultimatum? What was the result?
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.