In your marriage it can be difficult to handle the demands of your parents and siblings with that of your own family. This can be difficult because as Latter-day Saints we believe that families are eternal. When we are married, we leave behind our old family to form a new family. It is important to realize this as you make your decisions regarding your family involvement after marriage.
One great way to stop hard feelings with the in-laws is to rotate when you see each family at the holidays. If you all live in the same area, you may go to both houses on Thanksgiving or choose Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with another. You may also want to set up guidelines about how often you see each family. If possible, try to make it equal.
Another area that can cause a lot of problems is if your family is not supportive of your spouse. It is important to not involve your family in your fights with your spouse. You should not complain constantly about his behavior to your mother, because she can begin to build up negative feelings to your spouse. If your family is hard on your spouse, you need to defend him. He should defend you to his family as well.
If the family situation is too toxic, you may have to limit family contact for a short time. This may mean cutting back the number of times you visit or talk. It may also mean completely cutting off contact for a short time. Family is important and before you do this, you should try to resolve any issues. However there are situations that may not be able to be resolved. You may want to counsel with your bishop before taking a step this drastic.
If you are confused about the best way to resolve concerns with your family, make it a matter of prayer. Your children will love playing with their cousins, and so it is best if the family situation can be a positive one. If you live far from family, there is a lot you can do to include your family in your children’s lives.
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