Time out has been the accepted form of parenting and discipline for a while now. Parents all over turn to this technique now instead of spanking. Thank goodness! But, I heard of a different kind of parenting technique that is similar, but puts a little more positive spin on time out.
A friend of mine is going to become a foster parent. In doing this, she and her husband are required to take courses to prepare them to take in kids. I think fostering is a noble, and wonderful thing to do. They are hoping that they will be able to adopt a child eventually through this program. As I was talking to her today, she was telling me a little about the classes. As a part of being a foster parent, you are not allowed to spank (obviously) or yell at the foster child. This is obvious considering that many of them come from troubled backgrounds.
In one of the classes, they talked about a technique they use called “Be a S.T.A.R.” When your child is doing something naughty, has lost their temper, or just needs to relax, this is a technique you can use to put them in a time out, but make them feel more positive about it. S.T.A.R. stands for Stop, Take A break, Relax. Instead of making them sit in a naughty place for a certain amount of time, make them sit in a more positive environment. One parent suggested a bean bag chair surrounded by the child’s favorite books. When they are misbehaving, simply say to the child, “I want you to be a S.T.A.R. for Mommy. Stop. Take a break. and Relax. Why don’t you go sit on your bean bag and look at some books”.
When I think of my own preschooler, and using time out, sometimes it works great, and other times it doesn’t. She definitely does not ever want to go to time out, but when she is there, she is screaming, mad, and sometimes misses the point of that place. Is it possible that designating a spot in the house, and putting a positive spin on it might make a difference? Perhaps, the child will look at going to that spot as a happy thing. It could be their favorite spot in their room, or a spot they may not get to go to very often like a little “nest” you create for them in your room. They will still stay there for a certain amount of time, and you will still have a talk about their behavior afterward, but it gives the child to take a break from whatever is happening, and relax so that they will be receptive to your counsel.
I loved the idea. With my daughter, when she is really upset, I find myself repeating to her over and over: Stop crying. Stop Crying. So that she will be calm enough to listen to me. But, she will say to me, “I can’t!” I have found that if I tell her to take some deep breaths, she calms down a lot quicker, and easier and is able to listen calmly to what I have to say. Parenting is all about consistency, and getting creative to find a way that you will be able to get through to your child.
Related Articles: