It is so easy to give into our children’s desires especially when they are crying in the supermarket or hanging on your leg. Yet giving into our children actually gives them power over us as parents. As parents we need to be firm with our expectations and rules. Our children need to know that they are expected to follow the rules. Being firm is one of the ten characteristics that can be found in a happy family.
Today’s generation more than any other has their desires and wishes met. I read a report recently that said that today’s children have three times more money spent on them than children did just forty years ago. Children often dictate how and on what money is spent. Parents want to be their child’s friend and as a result often give in when their own parents would have stood firm. Yet children need that firmness. They need to have and know their limits.
Being firm doesn’t mean that you are a dictator. What it does mean is that you enforce the family rules that have been established. All children need rules. They need clear boundaries that provide limits to their behavior. Obviously as children grow older the boundaries can be extended accordingly. While you may not allow your six-year-old to ride his bike past a certain corner you can’t expect the same of your sixteen-year-old. But that doesn’t mean that you should give your teenager carte blanche. Many parents are afraid that if they give rules that their child will rebel. Yet studies have shown that teenagers who have set rules and parents who have clear expectations are happier, setting rules for your child shows that you care about them and want them to be safe.
Growing up my parents had clear rules and expectations. We could fall back on these rules when faced with decisions. My parents always told us that we were welcome to use them as an excuse when faced with peer pressure. Giving your child rules gives them a reason to not engage in detrimental behaviors.
I never had a set curfew. Instead the time set for me to be home varied according to the situation. My parents were flexible but firm in the boundaries that they set and the expectations that they had. But we also knew that if we didn’t come home on time there would be consequences. We knew that if we went beyond the boundaries set we would regret it.
Along with the rules you also need to make sure that you give your child plenty of affection. When you combine affection with rules your child realizes that you have their best interest at heart. I always knew my parent’s rules were there to protect me.
So next time you feel the urge to give into your child’s desires stand firm. In the long run being firm will benefit both of you.
See these related blogs:
Teaching Teenagers to Live Moral Lives
Character Education Begins At Home