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Bed Wars

I’ve written about dominance before — alpha dogs and omega dogs especially. And a few weeks ago, I mentioned how the balance of power in my four-legged family was shifting.

For a long time now, we’ve had Bed Wars. Let me set the scene.

(A black sky, white stars sparkling. Text scrolls upwards, a la Star Wars.)

A long time ago, in a bedroom far, far away, two dogs were at war over a very important piece of territory: the bed. He (or she) who ruled the bed ruled the universe. The bed was a land of great prosperity and comfort. The streets were paved with blankets. There were mountains of pillows.

Best of all, there was the proximity to the Overlord of All Things Amodio: me. As the giver of snacks and bed space, I am the true source of power in their universe.

On the light (colored) side of the Force, there is Lally-Wan Kenobi. A wise and clever jed-dog, she reserves her power of bark for special occasions. On the dark (colored) side of the Force is Moose Vader. This dark jed-dog uses his bark at will, out-barking anything and everything in his path.

Until he met Lally-Wan Kenobi.

Lally defends the bed with bared teeth and a menacing growl. Her opponent keeps his distance, sending out distress signals until the Overlord of All Things Amodio comes to the rescue. In the interests of peace in the universe, she lets the light dog and the dark dog both sleep on the bed.

When I’m not in bed, the two dogs will share it in relative peace. But if I am on the bed, it’s time for Bed Wars. So I guess Lally is really defending me, not the bed itself. In this matter, she’s got the advantage over Moose. He won’t get into bed if Lally is warning him off — I have to physically get between the two dogs before Moose will get into bed.

Will we all live happily ever after? I’m sure we will. But stay tuned; someday I may tell you the epic story of the Autobarks and the Moosepticons.