If you were raised with, “Because I said so,” you likely use this phrase with your own children. For many years, particularly when my children were younger, I used it often.
As they started to get older, I realized that it wasn’t really teaching them anything. I was missing out on opportunities to share my heart and why I made certain decisions. It was also preventing them from having a voice.
Part of being a parent with teens is learning how to be vulnerable. It’s not something we naturally gravitate toward. In fact, more often we shy away from this. We may even think that a parent should never be vulnerable. But I tend to think differently.
Sometimes our reasons for why we say yes or no isn’t based on logic but concerns over what could happen. There was one point in my relationship with my teen daughter, when we were going through some really difficult times that I had to be honest.
I shared that sometimes I get scared as a parent and so my decisions may be based on that. Allowing myself to be vulnerable helped her to see that not everything was based on making her life miserable.
Being vulnerable with your teen also means sharing that your goal as a parent is to keep them safe. So if you feel that they could be in danger—whether physically, emotionally or spiritually—you will do everything in your power to prevent it.
Being vulnerable also means explaining how it’s your love for your teen that guides your decisions. Your goal isn’t to deny them everything but to proceed with caution.
There are no easy answers when it comes to parenting teens. We make mistakes and so do they. We have fears, just like they do. If we want our teens to feel safe about being vulnerable with us, then perhaps we need to do the same.
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Photo by Boris van Hoytema in Flickr