Ok, let’s face it, blending two families is never easy. There’s a reason second marriages fail more often than firsts. Adjusting to the new dynamics is hard on everyone, children and parents alike. There are so many different facets that have to be worked out. When should you discipline your partner’s children? What will they call you? What is expected of them? What is expected of you? It is important to discuss all of these issues with your partner and also as a family to alleviate some of the confusion that naturally comes with combining what once was two separate families.
Make sure the children feel safe to discuss how they are feeling. Having someone step into the role of a parent can be difficult for them. After all they were still counting on Mom and Dad getting back together. Now you’ve dashed any hope of that ever happening. Even if they like you, that can be a difficult thing for them to cope with. They may feel threatened by this new relationship. Prior to you coming into the picture they had their other parent all to themselves. Now, they are learning to share all over again. Be sure that they still get that one on one time with their parent. Do what you can to nurture that relationship.
Find things that you can do as a family that everybody enjoys; whether it’s camping, going for a walk, watching movies, or going swimming. Do something that gets everybody involved and having fun together. Don’t expect everybody to get along all the time. Siblings fight, step-siblings do too. This is normal in any family, but perhaps more common in blended families as you are all trying to explore this new territory. Do things to help you connect and get to know each other better. Play games together, go to the park, have a family night once a week. These things can help you develop these relationships and come closer as a family.
Most of all, communicate when there is a problem. If you don’t like the way your partner is handling something, talk to them about it. They may be completely unaware of how you are feeling. Be in tune to each other’s feelings, especially when it comes to the kids. It’s natural to be a little sensitive about certain things when it comes to raising your children together, but if you don’t communicate about it, they may never know that there was a problem to begin with. Commit to making this family work. It won’t always be easy, raising children never is, but it can be done if you work hard and keep each other on the same page about things. Just because the statistics are against you, doesn’t mean that you can’t make it work, you just have to try a little harder.