I remember when I was a new mother with babies and young toddlers; there was a great deal of talk and advice about “bonding.” As I absorbed it then, bonding was something that happened with parents and babies and if you didn’t get it right in those early weeks and months, things were never going to be right between parent and child. What I have actually learned, however, in the passing years and developmental changes, is that bonding is an ongoing process and there are unending opportunities to bond, connect, and get to know each other for a parent and a child.
We all change and evolve, and finding ways to connect and bond with our children is a daily, weekly, and continuous process. The good news is that if a parent has a hard time with those “baby” stages, there will still be plenty of phases, stages, and opportunities to connect with a child. As a matter of fact, you will likely find all sorts of ways over time to really get to know your evolving child: through books and stories, sports, activities, school projects, family trips, cooking, yard work, etc. And, believe it or not, all sorts of natural life events provide poignant and intense opportunities for bonding—births, illnesses, deaths, moves, divorces, etc.
The trick is for a parent to stay focused on trying to keep connected. Instead of turning outside the family and away from a child during times of change, growth spurts, new activities and such, a parent can turn TOWARD the child and make an attempt to get to know them as they are now. Staying present in each day and making every attempt to stay in touch with one another is what facilitates the ongoing bonding that makes for strong families and strong personal connections.
So, if you’re not convinced you’ve mastered “bonding” yet, keep trying and if you think you already bonded with your child when he was a baby, remember it is an ongoing and evolving process.
See Also: Can This Child Really Be Mine?
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