Okay, I’m just like most guys. I didn’t read too many of them. Parenting books, I mean. C’mon, that’s what the women are for, right? Let them fret and worry and figure out what’s going on when the kid suddenly has a rash all over, or screams incessantly for three hours. And as long as one of us reads those things, we’re covered, right?
Sure. See how far that worked.
We read lots of books on pregnancy, books on babies, nutrition books, nursing and family life. Could we have done without them?
The truth is, no. They calmed us down while we waited for the doctor to call us. They gave us a good check for symptoms and answered developmental questions. They offered us opportunities to reflect on how we were treated as children and how we want to treat our children. They provided resources about schools, vaccinations, medications, homeopathic treatments, and counseling.
Before I talk about the books we liked, let me complain about the famous What To Expect series. It’s the standard about pregnancy and the first year. All that book did was make us scared, nervous, and angry. And when we read that breast milk had no nutritional value for the baby after age one, we threw it out. No, we didn’t donate it, we discarded it. Guys, whatever you do, don’t buy your wife a copy of What To Expect When You’re Expecting once the pregnancy test is positive. I can’t say this strongly enough. Instead, pick up Vicki Iovine’s The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. Her writing style is breezy, funny, and honest. My wife borrowed a friend’s copy and she thought it was hilarious. I told a friend of hers about it, and she went on calling me “girlfriend” for the rest of her pregnancy.
We like Dr. and Mrs. Sears. The Baby Book is what it says: everything you need to know about your baby from pregnancy to year two. Every time we worried about a cough, or some funny colored mucus, we went to Sears first. Sears and Sears certainly have an agenda, despite the fact that they also claim that you have learn to trust yourselves and do what feels right for you. They believe very strongly in their concept of attachment parenting, which includes wearing the baby in a baby sling, to sleep with the baby in bed rather than using a crib, etc. For us, there was never a question about many of these things anyway, but it was fascinating to read the stories they tell of their own parenting as well as their consultations with their patients (Dr. Sears is a pediatrician, Mrs. Sears is an RN). My favorite piece of advice when confronted with those who would question what you are doing: blame the doctor! “OH, the doctor said to do that, well, that makes it all right!” We also have The Family Nutrition Book, which gives useful advice on how to make sure kids make good food choices in this age of obesity.
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is the standard guide from La Leche League, which strongly believes in nursing children for well past the first year. If you are serious about wanting to breastfeed your child for a while, you can get a lot of good advice here, and their web site, llllser.org, can put you in touch with someone who will come to your home and show you how to nurse if you are having trouble. If you are not sure about the benefits, the book will demonstrate how important it is (as will Sears). I’m not sure if I think a five-year old should be nursing, but I certainly believe that nursing is a crucial part of child development.
Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, Laura Davis and Janis Keyser. Davis is coauthor of the famous tome on surviving sexual abuse, The Courage to Heal, and here she and Keyser offer a great deal of good advice on how you can teach your children respect for self and others without violence or fear. It’s a very reflective book: that is, it calls upon you to ask yourself some hard questions and to answer them honestly.
Natural Family Living, ed. Peggy O’Mara, founder of Mothering magazine. This book is a good resource for how to live with less crap in the house. We found the magazine to be paranoia-inducing. The agenda is: vaccines are evil, formula is evil, tap water is a death sentence, fast food is as bad as tobacco, etc. I exaggerate only slightly. As good as much of the information was, it really made us afraid of everything. But the book is pretty terrific.
The Holistic Pediatrician, Kathi J. Kemper. This one is a good alternative source to have handy when you’re not sure about Sears. It’s divided up according to illnesses/symptoms. She offers medical advice, homeopathic treatment, considers environmental causes, and lifestyle issues that might affect a particular condition. She also has a section for when to call the doctor / take to hospital. Our pediatrician recommended it to us.
There are some discussions specifically for dads like the importance of holding your baby so that she/he bonds with you, but the information is pretty general. No reason a guy can’t read it!