The hardest part about having children is the sheer wealth of time, emotion and energy you invest in them. Don’t doubt for an instant that your children are worth it, but there is a new type of stress that your relationship will undergo as you transform from couple to parents. Parents lose sleep, parents are always busy, and there is always something for parents to be doing. Parents rarely get to sleep in and in some cases, rarely get to go out anymore.
If you discover that you are spending less and less time with your spouse and that your romantic gestures have been reduced to a half-wave as you pass the coffee in the morning, then it’s time to re-ignite the intimacy in your relationship. It’s a lot easier than you might think it is, because you were a couple before you were parents.
The first thing to remember about being a couple is that couples need quality time together and that begins with setting aside time for each other that isn’t about work, bills, household chores or your child. If your infant is too young or you aren’t comfortable with going out for a long period of time; make plans for a date evening at home. As soon as the baby is down for the night or their longest sleep cycle – four or five hours – share a nice dinner, either ordered in or prepared together and watch a movie or just talk. Don’t worry about the dishes, the laundry, and the work that you brought home from the office – those four or five hours are for the two of you alone. Turn off the phone; let your friends and family know that this is a ‘don’t show up’ night.
Remember love tokens – those little gifts of affection that you used to give each other? Do that again. If you both work all week, take turns giving the other one a morning to sleep in and breakfast in bed on the weekends. If you like to write love notes, leave them for each other to find. The most important thing to re-igniting romance in your relationship is to remember – you love this person and their smile is what you are working for. So, pick up a single carnation or a box of their favorite candies or even just a movie that you’ll enjoy – be thoughtful, be creative and most of all, remember to be in love.