I have written a number of blogs on the topic of bullying but a recent “Dateline” special got me thinking about another aspect of bullying…the role of a bystander.
As one expert on the show said, “Bystanders are absolutely the most critical part of stopping bullying.” She said that most bystanders tend to think they are doing the right thing, by not participating. They think they are in a neutral position. However by refusing to intervene and stop the bullying, they are really siding with the bully.
I had never given much thought to that. I have talked to my children about being the victim of bullying and about being the one who bullies but I have only slightly touched on the bystander aspect. This show got me thinking about the importance of asking my children what would they do in certain scenarios. Would they stick up for the bully? Would they try to do something to stop it?
This particular show set up hidden cameras, as I have seen on other specials, where parents got to see how their children would react as bystanders to acts of bullying. To their surprise, in the beginning most of the time the girls didn’t intervene. Instead, they remained quiet or tried to create distractions.
Not only did these girls not intervene but they didn’t offer comfort to the victim or pay her much attention. Yet the parents were convinced that all of their girls would have reacted differently.
After the bullying was kicked up a notch, one of the girls finally stood up and gave the victim a voice. It then had a domino effect with the other girls who had until this point remained silent. Once people band together, it helps to stop acts of bullying pretty quickly.
One of the things the expert also mentioned is what girls go after when it comes to having a target for bullying…they tend to go after another girl’s appearance. Whether its clothes, size, features or overall appearance, it can be an easy and very hurtful target to hit.
Now with boys what they target in bullying is someone who is weaker than them, either in their lack of athletic ability, strength or emotions. An expert also said that boys will more often use gay slurs, whether or not the victim really is.
In the hidden camera scenario with the boys, parents once again watched. The parents saw the same thing happen as with the girls, once someone finally spoke up for the victim then the others followed suit.
A bystander sides with the bully, so we need to talk to our children about standing up for the victims and not choosing to remain silent.
Related Articles:
Talk to Your Teens about Bullying
Parents and Teachers Need to Work Together to Stop Bullying
Textual Harassment and Teen Dating Violence
Bullying Leads to Suicide Pact
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