One of the most heated areas of a marriage is the finances. It is often a surprise, but shouldn’t be, that this follows couples after divorce and soon, child support becomes one of the most heated conflicts in both the divorced parental relationship and the re-married blended family.
“Deadbeat Parent” is a phrase commonly used to describe a non-custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support but, for whatever reason, has not. The reasons are numerous: sometimes s/he can not; sometimes s/he just does not want to.
In polling non-custodial fathers and mothers, many, who both do and don’t pay their child support, complain that they feel their child support simply pads the pockets of their ex-spouse and doesn’t contribute to their children at all.
So what is child support really supposed to cover?
As the name implies, child support is supposed to contribute toward supporting the children, not the ex-spouse (that is what alimony or spousal support is for) and not for the spouse’s new husband or wife or new step-children. It is that simple.
Child support should be used to pay the child/ren’s portion of:
- Rent or Mortgage
- Water
- Electricity
- Gas
- Sanitation
- Telephone
- Internet and Cable Television (in many places)
- Food
- Clothing
- Incidental expenses (such as toiletries, school supplies, gasoline for child-related driving, etc).
Some states also recognize the pre-marital standard of living of the child and may consider higher child support in order to maintain the standard of living for the child. This is why you often see ridiculous support decisions for children of celebrities.
Child support is not intended to cover:
- Birthday gifts
- Christmas presents
- Family vacations
- Extracurricular Activities (unless expressly stated)
- The parent or the parent’s new spouse
- Allowance for the child
- Any other child related luxury
- The parent’s other biological children or step-children
- The parent’s lifestyle
Some states may write in additional formal support to cover:
- College costs
- Extracurricular activities
- Childcare
- Private school costs
Some states may assess more child support or issue bills to cover:
- Uninsured Medical expenses
- Prescription drugs
- Braces
Many states also require both parents to carry adequate life insurance listing their children as beneficiaries.
Because child support should be applied in such a vague and non-material way (a portion of the mortgage or water bill, for example), it becomes pretty easy for the paying parent to grow resentful. They may hear that the child is only getting a few cheap gifts for her birthday or see the child coming for visits in hand-me-down clothing. They may see their ex-spouse arriving in new clothing, hair and nails freshly done and wrongly assume that their child support is going to support these luxuries while their children are going without. Perhaps, however, the Mother simply has to maintain a good physical image for a job that requires it (sales, for instance) and these are work-related expenses for her. Perhaps she has chosen to spend less on clothing because the children go through them so quickly and go through so many growth spurts. There are many possible scenarios to describe away the various situations that non-custodial parents run into related to child support “abuse”. A good rule of thumb is that your child would have to be adequately neglected by way of food, clothing and shelter for you to feel inclined to contact Child Protective Services in your state before you can claim your child support is not going to support the child. In this case, the proper channel to address the issue would be your local CPS and NOT the child support enforcement office. Judges rarely humor these issues.
Understanding what child support should be used for and should NOT be used for can help both parents understand this aspect of their new post-divorce relationship. But one of the most often overlooked aspects of the child support relationship is that courts presume that, post-divorce, BOTH parents should be financially contributing to the support and care of their children. When child support is calculated, it is almost always calculated for BOTH parents. The parent who resides with the child pays this support directly in every day living expenses while the parent who does not reside with the child pays it through a child support agency or directly to the other parent. But, bottom line, both parents are paying for the support of the child, even if only one is cutting a physical check.