Choosing to Love

Is it really possible to fall out of love? While most would probably say yes, I tend to have a different philosophy on this.

Love comes in one of two ways. One is naturally, such as the love a mother feels when she holds her child in her arms for the first time. Despite the fact she has known this person for a few seconds, there is a natural love that flows out.

Then there is love that develops over time. When I first met my husband I didn’t feel instant love for him. But it did begin to form as we got to know one another.

Now here is where my thinking might be a little different than others. Despite the fact that love in a marriage develops, I think it still becomes a choice as we progress in our relationship.

Yes, I believe we choose to love or not love.

Now let’s consider a common scenario. A man and woman meet, they spend time together and eventually fall in love. They decide to get married and start a family.

A few years later the husband seems to change. He no longer treats his wife with respect, his words are harsh and he is always criticizing her.

Most of us would understand if the wife were to say she is no longer in love with her husband. She has fallen out of love and it is because of the way he treats her.

But what if she chose to love him, despite his behavior? We know it’s possible, that it can happen. So that means love for someone can be chosen.

You see, love isn’t just about feelings. It is about actions. We love when we invest in someone. We love when we forgive. We love when we do something kind. Those are actions. And they are choices.

I could also point out that arranged marriages often end in love. The husband and wife choose to love. Now it doesn’t happen in every case, but it does in many.

It’s not that I’m saying it is impossible to fall out of love. But that tends to be based more on feelings.

What I am saying is that we can also choose to love. I think this is important because there will be moments in every marriage when the choice to love will be there. And we will have a potentially life-changing decision to make.

What do you think…is it a choice to love?

Related Articles:

Keeping It Real

The Makings of a Good Marriage

The Three R’s of Marriage

Embracing the “Other Woman”

It’s the Small Things That Sometimes Mean the Most

Photo by Abraaj in Flickr

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About Stephanie Romero

Stephanie Romero is a professional blogger for Families and full-time web content writer. She is the author and instructor of an online course, "Recovery from Abuse," which is currently being used in a prison as part of a character-based program. She has been married to her husband Dan for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage children who live at home and one who is serving in the Air Force.