Early in the separation you will need to keep the lines of communication open, especially when it concerns your child. If the only time you ever communicate with your ex spouse is to argue or otherwise be hostile to each other,
will quickly break down.
This is a problem when your children are young, but can become an even bigger problem when your child is a teenager. One of my friends is the divorced parent of a teenage son, she and her ex husband share joint custody of their son so he splits his time between the two homes. This weekend when my friends son took off to his father’s something didn’t feel right, after thinking about it a while she texted her ex husband just to make sure her son was there.
Turns out he wasn’t. He told his mother he was going to his father’s and told his father he was staying at his mother’s. Neither of them knew where he was and by now it was after 10pm. After several phone calls and frantic drives to his friends homes they found out he went camping for the weekend with some friends. Everyone assumed his parents knew.
He is home, safe and sound but this could have turned out differently. If something had happened to him, neither of his parents would have had a clue because they both thought he was with the other. Since they are able to communicate they were also able to decide on a punishment that both of them feel comfortable enforcing.
It is important to put your pride and hurt feelings aside and from day one communicate about your child in a way that will not put the other parent on the defensive. Ask for your ex spouse’s help when you are having an issue with your child, let your ex know if your child is having a problem at home or school that they are not aware of. Not only does this give you input from the other person who lives your child like you do, this also shows your child that even though you are divorce you are still a parenting team. Maybe they will never use one of you against the other, but if they do, and you can communicate, you may head off bigger problems in the future.