In Part One of the Compulsive Hoarding article, I covered several of the symptoms displayed with hoarding and some examples of why a child might conceal food and possessions to the point of irrational behavior. The next step was to make him feel secure enough to minimize and in some areas alleviate the symptoms he was displaying.
After realizing our child’s dysfunctional behavior then documenting it to find the pattern and the degree of his hoarding, we began working on the problem. When we first noticed the food hoarding, we didn’t confront Daniel with it. Paul and I wanted to give him time to establish a comfort zone in his new home. When I felt it was safe to mention the hidden food in the fridge, I tried to empower him by giving him choices. It was his decision to eat, keep, or discard the food. In the beginning, discarding was never an option with him.
Meals were served at the same time everyday, snack would be available after school, immediately upon entering the house. I felt this was imperative to Daniel’s sense of entitlement in this area. In other words, our first goal was to make him feel completely secure in the fact that he would never have to go hungry again. Just as importantly, to make him realize he deserved to be fed on a regular basis. Breakfast was served promptly upon awakening. Lunch during the week was at school so Daniel was given the choice of buying in the school cafeteria or planning his menu for a lunch made at home. He and I made a special shopping trip to purchase a lunch kit he chose carefully. Daniel and I went over his school lunch menu every Sunday evening to prepare for the week. He would choose which days he wanted to eat in the cafeteria and which days he wanted me to prepare his lunch at home. He was also in charge of the menu for his lunch kit. I learned quickly to prompt him with options. Daniel was unable to make choices without guidance. To ask him what he wanted in his lunch, without suggestions, was like pointing to a closet full of clothing and asking a toddler what he wanted to wear that day. Dinner was served promptly at six o’clock every evening. We did not allow phone calls to interrupt our meal and each family member took his turn saying the blessing before the meal. Our goal was to establish the importance of dinner with the family. The table soon became an area of comfort. He ate, did his homework, and we gathered there for Family Night.
After putting these strategies into place and enough time had passed for Daniel to take them for granted, I began expanding his choices. I would casually ask what he would like for breakfast the next morning, giving him a choice. I never gave him more than two options; as I previously stated, it was overwhelming for him to make a choice with too many selections. The same two choices applied to his after school snack. He soon became comfortable with making these decisions.
Our next step was incorporating his help in preparing simple meals. When making my grocery list, I would ask his opinion on the meals for the week. This proved to be productive for both boys. Randy soon became involved and both boys would peruse the grocery store sale papers at the kitchen table. As they informed me what was on sale, each picked a meal or snack to be prepared from a food item they chose to include on the list. Daniel also began the daily job of setting the table. He has assisted in meal preparation on several occasions and displayed a lot of pride in his work. By giving Daniel basic choices, then advancing to include him in shopping and preparation, he feels in control and no longer displays overt symptoms brought on by the fear of being hungry with no recourse.
In the final part of this series, I will address the more difficult issues we dealt with pertaining to our child hoarding objects, his inability to share, and hiding personal belongings. How we approached the problem and Daniel’s reactions.