When they placed my son in my arms over four years ago there were some things I swore I would never do. As a single mom it got harder to keep all those promises to myself and as guilty as I feel, I have done a fair number of them. So here it goes, here are a few confessions from a single mom.
This morning my son had chips for breakfast. We were a half an hour late for church, his shoes were on the wrong feet, I couldn’t find my keys (as usual), and I had to gather all those last minute things for my lesson so I simply didn’t have the time to stop him and make him a nice well balanced breakfast. You’re right, he’ll probably never make it to his fifth birthday with a breakfast like that. At least he wasn’t starving at church.
When Logan asks if he can sleep in Mommy’s bed, I almost always give in because, frankly, I like the company. Those feet in my back the whole night? I’ll probably regret that in the morning, but for now at least I don’t have to sleep alone.
I have also been known to hand over the Ipad so that I can get an hour of sleep. Yes, I have used technology to keep my child entertained so I could take a nap. Four years ago I would have been appalled. At least they are educational apps, right?
That online dating thing I said I would never try? Yep. I tried it. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, aside from the guy whose life ambition was to be a clown. Oh, and the one that stole my credit card. On second thought, maybe it was as bad as I thought. Lesson learned…don’t date scum bags.
My son has painted his toe nails on more than one occasion. Why? Because I never get a chance to finish mine unless he gets to do his too. The price we pay for trying to look nice. He’s also convinced that he looks “handsomer” with blush on. Not my fault.
Sometimes Logan still showers with me because it is easier than bugging someone to watch him for ten minutes. The joys of single parenthood, you can barely go to the bathroom without company, let alone take a shower.
Some days I would give anything to get a break from motherhood for a couple of hours. When Logan is at his dad’s and I finally do have that break, I go stir crazy and want him back within a few minutes. Rather than spending this limited time to get things done, I often crash on the couch and stare at the ceiling because I haven’t had a chance to sit down all day. Yes, that pile of laundry is still sitting in the basket.
Four years ago, I would have been mortified, but today I have learned that there are some things that are more important than being the “perfect” mother. I’ve found that love is far above anything else in this world. My son and I love each other deeply. We have a special bond that goes beyond his painted little toes. I may not be a perfect mother, but I’m doing the best I can and in the end that’s all that really matters.