Teachers are human. They have emotions. They can be happy, sad, mad, and angry. They can also be tired and overworked. Teachers can have bad days and good days. They have lives outside of school. And most importantly, yes, teachers remember incidents that occur. Therefore, it should be desired to have a good relationship with your child’s teacher. However, differences do occur. The way that you confront the difference can be the deciding factor in the whether you receive your desired outcome.
Before confronting your child’s teacher, think about the approach you will use. Make sure that you use many ‘I’ statements. Avoid using the word ‘you’. Using a statement beginning with the word ‘you’ can sound very accusing. This may cause the teacher to become defensive. Instead of saying, “You should have called me,” try saying, “I wish that I had been notified.” Using the word ‘you’ also implies that the parent is telling the teacher how to do her job. No one likes to be told how to complete his/her job from a person not even in the same occupation. Be careful on how you phrase suggestions. Instead of saying, “You need to move her away from those other girls,” you should rephrase by saying, “I wonder if it would help if she were separated from the other girls?”
If you feel that your child has been treated unfairly, by all means discuss it with someone. However, make certain that you follow the chain of command. Begin by talking with the teacher first. There may have just been a misunderstanding. Many times, simply getting the teacher’s side of the story will solve the problem. Yet if you are still not satisfied, talk with the principal of the school. If necessary, go to the director of education. Again, it is very important to always talk with the teacher first. I have seen a few cases at my school where parents appear to be very happy and satisfied. However, we find out later that they have been to the school board and complained about the school. This makes the school and the teachers feel betrayed.
Always choose your battles. Before going to complain or discuss an issue with the teacher, ask yourself if the issue is interfering with your child emotionally, physically, or academically. If your child does not seem to be affected, then is it really that big of a deal? If your child comes home injured and the school did not notify you, then you should discuss the issue with the school. However, if your child comes home with dirt on the knee of her pants and casually comments, “I fell outside today,” you probably should not worry with calling the school.
In a perfect world, ‘parent troubles’ would not alter the way that a teacher feels about a child or a family. However, as I stated, teachers are human. It is very disturbing to put extra time and effort into a particular child’s education and then have the parents’ complain. Parents who complain on a regular basis about unimportant issues often become known as ‘trouble parents’. In severe cases, teachers throughout the school recognize the name of the child and relate it with negative thoughts. Again, these thoughts probably should not occur, but parents need to be aware that they do.
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