Does your preschooler have friends?
I know that some say that preschoolers are too young to have true friends. They don’t necessarily understand the social dynamics of friendship. After all, four-year-olds have just moved from solitary play into parallel play and now into social play.
My daughter does have a few four-year-olds whom we might call her friends, and although they are not always happy with each other they get along remarkably well, all things considered. I always need to remember that these children were just born four and a half years ago. We expect a lot from them socially.
However, it is with older children that my daughter plays the most, and it’s with older children that she experiences the most social exclusion. It’s not easy being the little kid. Sometimes you’re cute and desirable to the seven and eight-year-olds and sometimes you’re just a bother. When I see the older children including her, I am so pleased for her, since she gets very excited. When I see her sitting on the steps alone, I know that it’s time to intervene.
While I could ask that they include my child, they are neighbours, not siblings. They are not obliged to include her all of the time, even though that would be nice.
What do I do when I sense that she’s being excluded? If she’s reluctant to ask to play, I help her with words and stand there as she goes over to ask. She’ll need to do this in school, and she needs to learn how to do this on her own. Sometimes I will provide her with props for games so that the children can more easily include her. It’s hard to exclude the kid who comes with the cups for the lemonade stand. And if I see that the other children have moved on, I will invite her to do something particularly exciting with me, letting her know that she is valued by someone else at that time.
What do you do when your child is excluded?