One of the biggest strains on a marriage and greatest heartbreaks for parents is a wayward child. If your child is beginning to show signs of alcohol and other drug use or delinquency, this can tear the family apart.
Often way too much time is spent initially finding a place for the blame. One parent accuses the other of not spending enough time with the child, or being a bad example. Sometimes, however, the problem seems to come up out of nowhere, and the families don’t have the first idea of where to turn.
Interventions usually happen as a last resort, when the problem has escalated way beyond what the family was able to at first excuse as youthful indiscretions or experimentation. By this time the family is out of control, the child has often already gotten into trouble with school or the local authorities, and a professional must be called into mediate the discussion and hopefully see the child gets into a rehabilitation or treatment center.
All of this can be avoided if the family learns to recognize the first stages of depression or drug abuse, and getting help early can mean the difference between steering them back on the right path and a long stay in a facility.
You must stay involved with your child. Keep up on their grades and look at each report card carefully, are they starting to slide in an area where previously they had no trouble? Are they becoming uninterested in after school activities? Has their selection of friends changed dramatically in the last two-three months? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as the saying goes, and the price of your child’s happiness-the entire family’s happiness for that matter-is your responsibility as a parent. You must take the time to stay informed and keep involved with your child.
Regular contact with their teachers is a good start. Don’t wait for once or twice a year parent-teacher conferences. I call my child’s teacher once a month to stay updated on their actions and attitude at school, and have an understanding with the school that they are to contact me immediately if they begin to see a problem.
Weekly family time is another way to gauge how well your child is doing. We set aside all day Sunday to go to the park, see a movie, or just lay around the house-together; my son is not allowed to spend that time alone in his bedroom. You do not need to spend a lot of money on this activity; the point is to be together, not purchase a bunch of stuff.
Do teenagers resent this? You bet, but I’d rather have my son a little peeved at my involvement than think I don’t care what he does. He often tells me he’s not a child. I tell him ”you’re my child, and I want you to succeed.” If you keep vigilant but not so strict that they feel that they need to rebel against you, you have come a long way in being responsible for your child’s healthy future.