A Frontline report on the teenage brain has a segment on mood swings. They say the problem is from hormonal swings that affect the frontal lobe. This part of the brain is developing to help them regulate their emotions and reactions to stress. They are obviously not there yet, but eventually it will all smooth out.
The result is quite confusing. Adults are just not used to responses that seem unreasonable… and most responses are unreasonable during the teen years. We are confused because we are looking into the eyes of people who are as tall as we are or taller. Besides what can be easily described as strange clothing, and oily skin, they look just like adults. We expect adult-like behavior. Instead, what we get is behavior worse than what they did when they were 3 feet tall. Tantrums that were kind of cute at 3 years old, are hardly cute at 13, when they could really hurt themselves or someone around them.
So how is a parent to deal with mood swings and childlike reactions from teenagers? We need to give them some concessions. I am not talking about letting them disrespect you, or excusing them from responsibilities. I am talking about knowing when to back off, as they are too emotional to reason with. I am talking about letting them sleep in whenever possible as a rested teen is a reasonable and more emotionally stable teen. On the other hand, we have to know when to push them and make them be disrepsectful, or just obedient.
If this sounds like a juggling act, it is because it is. My rule of thumb is to let them be moody, sullen, or restless if they like. They need to have ownership of their feelings and we can’t deny them their emotions. However, if being moody means making everyone else miserable, then a line must be drawn. If being restless means being disrespectful, then you must demand respect. If wanting to be left alone means not participating in the family and doing your part with chores and spending some time together, then there is a problem.
As parents I urge you to not let mood swings scare you away. Continue to interact with your kids, and ignore the moodiness as much as possible. But, don’t let the mood swings stop you from being a parent.
If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
You should also read:
Who decided what is appropriate for your teen?
Why won’t my teens go to sleep?
Do they have to eat EVERYTHING?