Marriage is a life long commitment, a commitment that you can make at any age. There are many people in the world who have and must witness the death of their spouse. This is an experience that can be matched to no other. No matter how long you have been married or known your spouse, their death is still something that shakes your entire being and world as you know it. You’ve lost your best friend and constant partner, and the grief is profound.
When you choose to spend your life with a person (especially young people getting married) you never think that they are never going to leave you and you will enjoy every second of your lives together. This is an entirely idealistic approach to life, but a common one with first marriages. When something tragic occurs it seems like it is almost impossible to deal with and of course you do not really want to deal with it at all. Denial and grief can cause you to shut down; my father died only six months after my mother, we truly believed it was from a broken heart. He simply stopped eating. If you do not handle this event in your life the correct way you may find that you will never be able to live again without your spouse. This is a common feeling that a bereaved spouse has and a just one of course.
Something to remember that may sound slightly clichéd is that love is something that never dies, even if your spouse does. There is a life beyond your marriage, even though it will be hard to see this at first. When you are forced to deal with the death of your spouse turning to your friends and family may be your first reaction, and a good one. Searching for comfort from your friends will give you this comfort but it will also open your eyes when you are ready. When you are ready to see the world you will be able to see. Your grief will blind you from this for some time after the death of your loved one, but when you are ready to see it you will. Another first choice may be to isolate, this is particularly true of young couples who have lost the loved one through a sudden and tragic death, as in an accident or a cancer diagnosed too late. You will go through the stages of grief, blaming God, bargaining with God, may be accepting god’s will, and maybe never accepting it. There is no time line for grief. You may be sad for years; you may have close family and friends and pull through it somewhat faster. If you do, there is often guilt associated with feeling better that is not in the “social time frame.” I say forget them, and the social time frame. This is your sadness, and how long you grieve is no ones business, unless you stop eating or begin drinking heavily. Your family has already lost one member; don’t deny them you as well.