One area that is well-known to be a source of contention for many married couples is the raising of the children. Oftentimes couples come from different types of homes and take from that into their own parenting.
If the couple has a completely different idea on how to raise the children, this can cause strife that lasts for years. It can also become part of the reason that a marriage falls apart.
Surprisingly, this has not been a huge issue for my husband and me. Despite our vastly different upbringing, we have gone into our parenting with the same mindset. Well, at least most of the time.
About the only time this really gets tested is when there is a particularly difficult situation…or the latest decision we had to make on allowing our 17-year-old son to take a missions trip to Haiti.
For about three weeks we really struggled as a couple. We just weren’t on the same page with the whole thing. Our church has a few mission trips throughout the year and never has our oldest son expressed an interest. But suddenly he was adamant that he wanted to go on the upcoming Haiti trip (scheduled for September 18 through 24).
Initially I was opposed to the idea and my husband was all for it. Then we switched. I was suddenly okay with it and he wasn’t. Then we both wavered and even to this day, although the passport has been purchased, the temporary transfer of guardianship has been notarized and the airfare has been secured…it continues to be a difficult thing for us.
We have not been on the same page for much of the time this decision was being made. And even though we finally agreed together as a couple to let him go, it hasn’t been easy.
I am not used to disagreeing with my husband like this when it comes to our children. But it sure makes me understand how easily it can tear a couple apart, if you let it. Despite the difference in opinions, a couple has to purpose to not let it come in between them.
Children should never cause strife between you and your spouse. When you don’t agree on something, you may need to put the issue aside until you can discuss it calmly. Eventually, someone might have to give in. If it’s not you, don’t let it dictate your personal feelings toward your spouse. If you are the one who “wins,” don’t gloat. That doesn’t help any marriage.
What tips do you have on handling disagreements with your spouse about the raising of the children?
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Photo by *clairity* in Flickr