Even in a loving and open relationship, it is normal to experience some paranoia or doubt. However, if you find yourself overwhelmed with distrust and suspicion, it’s time to confront your spouse. Whether he or she is guilty or not, it is important that you clear your conscience and put yourself at peace. Doubt in a relationship has serious and obvious consequences, and you and your spouse must work together to eradicate these feelings and concerns.
Confront your spouse but avoid making accusations at all costs. Your spouse will automatically react defensively, and if you are wrong, which you very well may be, you run the risk of making some painful and potentially permanent dents in your relationship. It is never a good idea to hurl unfounded accusations at your spouse. Instead, approach him or her with compassion and trust. Tell your spouse that you have been experiencing some worries in your relationship. Make sure and let your mate know that you are approaching him or her out of love and a genuine concern for your relationship. It is extremely important that you do not attack them or judge them before finding out all of the facts.
Specify what concerns you, keeping in mind not to accuse. For example, you may say to your wife, “Honey, I love you and I want to make sure that our relationship is as strong as it can be. I’ve been experiencing some worries about the amount of time you’ve been spending at work, and I would love to know more about how you spend your day. Would you mind filling me in a little more often?” This approach is non-accusatory and reinforces the genuine love and concern you have for your spouse.
Your mate will feel relaxed and natural with you and most likely be open with you.
Accordingly, if your spouse is the one experiencing doubt, the most important thing to remember is that he or she is simply concerned out of love for you. Instead of immediately lashing out in defense, take time to consider what your spouse is saying and consider how it might make you feel if the situation were reversed. Instead of getting offended, be compassionate and empathetic. Your spouse will calm down when he or she sees that you have truly have nothing to hide. A defensive response, even if you are not guilty, makes you look as if you’re trying to divert attention from the issue at hand.
However, it would be naïve to assume that all spouses are entirely guilt-free. People are human, and mistakes will be made. By talking about it openly and not being accusatory, you may be nipping a future problem in the bud. Have a plan as to how to handle a confession, you don’t want to make the situation worse by having the discussion escalate. It may happen that your husband or wife admits to having wronged you. If this happens, you may find that you need to seek professional counseling in order to heal the wounds caused by dishonesty in your marriage.