When it comes to getting married, few of us are thinking about the divorce during the wedding planning. Realistically, even a couple that fills out a pre-nuptial agreement is not sitting there thinking about ordering the flowers by the 3rd, the last dress fitting on the 25th and the divorce attorney in six months, six years or sixteen years.
We don’t think about. We don’t spend the time between taking our vows and heading off to the honeymoon considering how we’ll divide up the wedding gifts. If you are thinking about those things, chances are you didn’t want to be married in the first place.
This may sound odd coming from me and whether you know me well or not, I am a cynic. I look at things in what I think is a practical way. I tend to think if things can go wrong, they will. But I also tend to think that if things go wrong and they will, that I will handle it – because that’s what you do. Needs must. So when you are planning a life together and you are planning a marriage, you can’t plan a divorce.
You can’t be thinking of what will be too much. You can’t be thinking of what you can’t take or what you won’t put up with. You can’t think of how you will end it and how you will let it end. It makes no more sense than planning to build a house that you are at the same time planning to demolish.
If you were planning to demolish a house you were building, you wouldn’t worry about a good foundation – you wouldn’t worry about structural integrity and you wouldn’t worry about the roof. You’d slap the house up and you wouldn’t spend too much time on the maintenance because the slipshod manner of putting it together in the first place would take all of your energy to keep it habitable. So you can’t plan a divorce at the same time you are planning to get married.
If you don’t mean yes, don’t say it. If you don’t want the answer to be yes, don’t ask the question. Don’t plan the wedding or the marriage you don’t mean to have last forever. If you’re going to do it, go all in and do your absolute best. Make sure the foundation is solid and that the walls are sound. Make sure that you have more than one retaining wall. Build it the best way you can – so that the maintenance isn’t overwhelming and you aren’t counting down the days till demolition comes.
So turn the concept of divorce into a positive – don’t plan for one. Plan to get married or don’t. But don’t plan to marry just to divorce. That doesn’t mean a marriage can’t end in divorce – but don’t let it be because you just didn’t care enough to give it your best beforehand.
How else can you turn divorce into a positive?
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