We have more control over our lives and those we let in it then we may think. For many of us, is a matter of realizing that whether it is our parents, our children, coworkers, an ex, or other relationships in our lives—we have the power to say “no.” We do have the power to decide whether we are going to let ourselves get sucked into stress and drama or not.
Maybe we don’t get to choose our coworkers, family members or even who we fall in love. I suppose I can indulge an argument that people come into our lives and our sent to us because of the lessons we can learn from our interactions. This said, I do believe that one of those lessons is learning how to detach, and how to NOT get sucked in to someone else’s drama—whether it is a child or an ex-partner, or anyone else.
It was life-altering for me when I finally learned that I could love and care about someone, and be concerned and compassionate and still NOT get sucked into their drama. Of course, it is a lesson that I learn again and again, but I feel I have made a break-through. Currently, I am going through a refresher course in this one with my middle daughter. In her anxiety and grief over saying goodbye to childhood and having to face the fact that she is done with high school and it is time to move on, she is creating a lot of drama! There are tears and illnesses and lots of moping around the house. One day she is depressed and swearing she will never get off the couch and she doesn’t care about anything and the next day, she is wanting to go shopping with her friends. While it is absolutely exhausting for me and I am starting to feel like I am so “over it,” I am also feeling good about not getting sucked in. I continue to beat my drum of encouragement and faith in her ability to move through this transition, but I am not going to get sucked into wallowing in the drama. It may be very real for her and an important stage—but it is not MY stage; I do not have to go through it with her or for her in a messy sense. I can be supportive and compassionate with boundaries.
The thing about getting sucked in is that it doesn’t really help anyone—it does not help the other person because they will resent you for stepping in and “not thinking they can do it.” It certainly does not help you and it does not help your relationships.
See Also: Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Manipulator
Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member