I’m not talking about making time for your spouse. I’m not talking about keeping your romantic relationship a top priority. I’m talking about setting a day on the calendar when you plan to have sex with your spouse. I kid you not, I know people like this. They literally have sex on Monday and Thursday nights right after the husband’s favorite television programs are over. I am, quite frankly, agog at this notion.
Okay, I can see that in some ways, for some people, it might work. Maybe their lives are super hectic and that’s the only night when he’s home—maybe he works a swing shift. But the main thing this says to me, the thing that concerns me the most, is that they are viewing their romantic relationship as an item on their to-do list, something to be checked off a sheet of tasks, rather than as a relationship-building act that can bless their lives.
Intimacy is best shared when the couple feels emotionally close to each other. Can you predict and say, “Hmm. I think that on Friday at nine-thirty, I will feel emotionally close to you. Can I schedule you in my Blackberry?”
And then there’s also this – what if your “appointment” rolls around, he’s totally expecting it, but you’ve had a crisis come up that day (that wasn’t in the Blackberry) and you’re so worn out or distracted or upset, intimacy just isn’t something you want to think about? If you don’t keep the “appointment,” he’ll be disappointed. But if you go ahead with it, you’ll feel used and resentful, and you won’t enjoy it, causing more resentfulness.
Intimacy is a lot more fun when it’s spontaneous, when the husband and wife are feeling united and flirty and are both in the mood. Perhaps a tight schedule is the answer for some, but … I’m just not seeing it.
Related Blogs:
When Intimacy Isn’t a Good Idea
Withholding Intimacy in Marriage