Communication can be one of the ongoing challenges of the single parent. We have to get information to our children, their schools, family members, and often, we have to share and communicate information with the ex or the other parent. Exactly HOW we share that information can be one of the ways we get some order and structure into our single parent families.
An effective and healthy “chain of information” can be beneficial. By this, I mean that we set an expectation and a priority of how we will communicate what and to whom and stick to it. For example, if the school calls about one of your children—do you keep the information to yourself or is it something you should share with the child’s other parent? What issues do you share and which ones are best kept within your own household? While we cannot guarantee that the other parent subscribes to the same priorities, we can try to set an expectation around which information gets passed on and which does not. I know in my own family that I share anything parenting-related with my kids’ father. He rarely shares the same sort of things with me, however, and I tend to find out from the child or after the fact. I used to hope that I could set an expectation that he would meet but I eventually learned that I have to do what seems right for me and I cannot make him be as forthcoming or thoughtful about sharing important information.
Ask yourself who needs to know what? If your child has a sitter or goes to day care, they may need to know of any changes in his schedule or if the other parent will be picking him up. A grandparent may need to know your child’s soccer schedule, but wouldn’t need to know about the doctor’s appointment (unless he or she was providing a ride.) You can set a protocol for what gets shared with the ex too: school information, extra-curricular activities, health care.