If you decide to participate in an adoption forum, whether it be a large one like Adoption.com or simply the smaller one here at Families.com, it is important that you be aware of the etiquette for the forums. You may ask why etiquette is important on an adoption forum. Well, it’s because members of all three parts of the adoption triad are usually participating. In any given thread there may be responses from an adoptive parent, a birth parent or an adopted person. Because of this, it is important that you keep a few specific rules in mind in order to keep from offending other members of the triad.
Here’s how to exhibit good manners on an adoption forum:
Remember That Forums are Public
Sometimes on a larger forum like Adoption.com it is easy to forget that more people will read your post than just your little group of friends. Remember that anything you say can be read by anyone who decides to log on to the forums and that things you say “may be used against you” if it comes across as insensitive to another part of the adoption triad.
Be Respectful of Birth Parents
•Refer to the as birth parents or first parents or another respectful title
•Respect their rights and their choice to place their child for adoption or to keep that child
•Be sensitive to their feelings of grief and loss
•Respect their rights in an open adoption or in reunion
Be Respectful of Adopted People
•Be patient with them as they grieve the loss of their birth parents or question why they were placed for adoption
•Listen to their opinions and remember that they are the ones who really know what it’s like to be adopted
Be Respectful of Adoptive Parents
•Don’t refer to birth parents as the child’s “real parents” – adoptees have two sets of parents and they are both very real
•Don’t imply that an adoptive parent is in some way less of a parent than a biological parent
•Understand that even when a child does not legally belong to the adoptive parents, that child is still very much theirs in their hearts
This is just a basic list and there are more points that could be added. What do you think is important to remember when participating in an adoption forum?