I wrote the other day about how, as children get older, it helps if parents ask before offering up suggestions and opinions. In reality, I thought it would be fair to mention that even when they solicit our opinions and ask for our help, they may not be particularly happy about it! I find that with my teens the opposite is often quite true–if they have to ask for my help, they are rather irritated about it and they are just as likely to exhibit resentment as they are appreciation. This brings me back to my number one golden rule of parenting older children and teenagers–don’t take things personally!
Most of you who have been parenting a while have probably realized that if you hold your breath waiting for thanks, accolades and the open arms of appreciation from your kids, you will likely be holding your breath for a long time. I think this is what makes it so marvelously special when they do start saying “thank you” or those few times when they manage to share that they do appreciate what we have done. Meanwhile, I think it is a good idea to anticipate a little grumbling and resentment–even during those times when they have admitted they need your help or advice. After all, they would rather be doing things on their own and they are not particularly thrilled to have to admit they still need mom’s or dad’s help.
As parents, though, I think we can take the high road by not forcing the issue. A light-hearted, joking, “you’re welcome” might be in order but a rant about how under-appreciated we are will probably not have the influence we’re looking for. For many of us, just knowing that we are still occasionally needed and that our suggestions and experience do, in fact, count for something can often be enough. Not that we wouldn’t love a little appreciation, but it takes a while before kids reach that maturity level.