We do not have to give in to the stereotype of the battling, disagreeing, misunderstanding exes with our child’s other parent. Sure, there may be plenty of hard feelings that need to be worked through and processed left over from our relationship, a separation, or a divorce. And, we are only human after all–but we don’t HAVE to be oppositional and sparring ex-partners, we can choose to be a different kind of exes…
Okay, I fully admit that all exes and all parents are not created equally–there are plenty of dangerous, immature, annoying, irresponsible, or lazy parents out there–whether they are exes or not. And, we definitely can’t control what the other parent does or how he or she reacts to the divorce or separation and single parenthood. But, we can control what we do and how we react. We can harbor some optimism along with our pragmatism and even if we don’t approve, as long as the other parent isn’t scary or dangerous or harmful, we can find a way not to fight and battle.
Staying locked in the fighting is one way of staying connected. How can we fully let go and move on if we are still so emotionally charged that we continue to bicker and battle? It may not be easy, and it may take some time, but for our own health and our child’s, rewriting the role of divorced or separated co-parents into one that doesn’t involve sparring can be mind-blowing and life-altering. Who needs all that negativity, hatred and nastiness in their life anyway? Imagine how much better off our child or children will be without all that arguing and without all the tension and battles–there is a way that divorce can create a better environment and situation for the child, than the stereotype of the “broken home.”
Also: Finding Things You CAN Agree On
When a Divorced Mom and Dad Don’t Agree on Parenting Issues
Expectations of the Ex-Spouse as a Single Parent