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Expecting Company? No? Well, They’re Here!

What if company is coming and you have only five minutes to get everything in order? Put that gun down and think! Here are some quick tips that won’t solve your long-term problem, but may forestall criticism by making things LOOK like they’re in order. Try to push aside all thoughts of that famous old radio show, Fibber McGee and Molly, whose catchall closet collapsed upon opening.

1. Enlist the help of everyone. Scoop up troops for Operation Wayward Debris.

If there’s time, put everything back where it belongs; if there isn’t throw everything lying around (except for children, pets and in-laws) either into a large laundry basket or garbage bag. (Remember what you did though, or otherwise you might throw out things by mistake. Label if you can, but if not, for now stash everything somewhere no one can see it.
2. Clean only where it shows. (Yes, you may leave your ears alone.) Concentrate on coffee tables, bathroom sinks, mirrors and toilets. Dust-bunnies in out of the way places have been nesting for some time, and there’s no reason to disturb them now. (There’s always next spring anyway.)

3. If there is time to dust, get the coffee table. If there isn’t, cover the damn thing and forget about it. If a room is too much to contemplate on such short notice, don’t do it. Close the door and LOCK IT!!

4. In the bathroom, close the shower curtain. You may also throw behind there any toiletries that should be in the medicine cabinet but you don’t have time to put there. Either change the towels or reverse them so that the clean side shows. Splash soap in the eyes of any guest using one; then there is no chance at all that they will even notice. If they do, they will think that they did it, which always works well.

5. Change the cat litter and warn the cat not to tell. Open a window and air out the place. (By this time, you might even want to jump out. Resist the temptation.)

In short, have a wonderful time, but move afterwards. That might be easier than cleaning up!

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About Marjorie Dorfman

Marjorie Dorfman is a freelance writer and former teacher originally from Brooklyn, New York. A graduate of New York University School of Education, she now lives in Doylestown, PA, with quite a few cats that keep her on her toes at all times. Originally a writer of ghostly and horror fiction, she has branched out into the world of humorous non-fiction writing in the last decade. Many of her stories have been published in various small presses throughout the country during the last twenty years. Her book of stories, "Tales For A Dark And Rainy Night", reflects her love and respect for the horror and ghost genre.