Most marriages will go through a time where you feel disconnected from one another. Sometimes this lasts a couple of days but in some cases it can last several weeks or even months.
The feeling of disconnection is an awful one. Throughout our married years we have gone through different spurts where this has happened. It leaves you with a sick feeling in your stomach and the worry that you won’t make it through that time. I think it helps to know that most marriages do experience this at one time or another.
Last week was one of those times where I felt disconnected. But this time it had to do with the fact that my husband worked second shift for five days in a row. Our family isn’t used to this but he had to fill in for another manager who was on vacation.
He didn’t get home until 11:30 p.m. or later, long after we had fallen asleep and because he would be awake for a couple of hours, he would sleep in until about an hour before he had to get up again. So the kids would already be at school, I would be working and well, it started to feel real lonely.
When that schedule finally ended, I had such a sense of relief that we could get back to normal. But this wasn’t really that big of a deal because there was an end in sight and there was a legitimate reason for the disconnect.
Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be a reason for feeling disconnected and when it’s on an emotional level, it can feel more painful. You may also not have a sense that the end is anywhere near. But don’t despair. These are normal occurrences in marriage. The key is to press through.
There are also ways we can reconnect sooner, by choosing to love our spouse during this difficult time. If we get defensive, angry or irrational we are only going to deepen the disconnect.
How have you handled these types of moments in your marriage?