I have written before about how important it is for our children to make connections with other adults–coaches, scout leaders, art class instructors, teachers, etc. BUT, I also have to admit that a day does not go by that I don’t read about some misuse of these positions by an adult who has abused a child or children. As parents, we might just automatically think that a person has been through a thorough screening and background check in order to step into such a powerful and influential position and not want to be the nervous cynic–but some diligence might be in order.
There is no way we can always know everything–but think of how many adults our children come in contact with on a regular basis that have the potential to influence them–teachers, coaches, activity directors, day care leaders, religious education teachers, baby sitters–the number of adults in your child’s life could be incredible. Those people have built-in authority and responsibility and, as parents, we have the responsibility to know as much as we can about them.
First of all, in most situations, there should NOT be only one adult in charge of the children. As someone who served many years as a coach and a Girl Scout leader, I know that I did not want the liability of being alone with the kids and always elicited the help of at least one assistant (2 or 3 whenever it could be managed). Not only did it make managing the kids easier, but they got more attention and I wasn’t the sole responsible party. Plus, with the younger children, I always requested that at least one parent stay at practices. Even though I had easily passed a background check and been deemed an appropriate and safe adult, it made more safe sense to me to have an open policy with parents and other adults. I would be extremely wary of a coach or leader who wouldn’t allow any parents to watch or participate (this is for young children, by high school age it is pretty common for parents to NOT attend practices and meetings, but still, we need to pay attention). And, I don’t think it is ever a good idea to just drop your kids off and trust that all will be fine.
Any city, school, or other activity should have a process by which it chooses it’s instructors. You can ask to find out what that process is. Many operate using volunteers, but they still must put them through background checks and such (in some states). Find out how people get chosen. You can also volunteer to help out yourself if you want to keep an even closer eye on things.
Churches can be tough since they are exempt from following many of the same laws that public activities are. Any time you are dealing with a private entity, you’ll really want to find out who is working with the kids, how they got the job, and what their background is. Also, go with your gut and listen to your children–chances are they will drop hints and say things that might not sit right with you if things aren’t appropriate. It is then your job to follow up and not just sweep those gnawing feelings under the rug.
Also: Parents,Behave Yourselves on the Sidelines!
Is it Time to Update Your Support System?
Have You Ever Felt Jealous of Your Child’s Teacher?