Friday Adoption Funnies: A Little Humor For Your Weekend

Adoption  Funnies, Humor, JokesWell, it’s finally Friday. A busy week here at our home, as our three youngest returned to school yesterday.

Between school supply shopping, getting new outfits for the first day of school, meeting teachers, and getting back into the routine of school, I’m exhausted.

I’m ready for a weekend of no stress and some fun times with my precious family.

I thought I’d share a couple of cute jokes and stories with you to start your weekend off on the right foot – with loads of smiles.

Have a terrific weekend!

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to
the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the
doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted
the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s
blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At
this point, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued
to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife
considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to
him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

Q. How many birth fathers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Light bulb? What light bulb? I didn’t screw any damn light bulb! It’s not my light bulb and I don’t know anything about it.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
An Adoptee.
SLAM!

(I have a different version of this joke on a greeting card that flows better, but this was what I had in a file on my computer.)
It seems that one fine day in Heaven, Jesus Christ decided He was lonely. he hadn’t seen his Earthly father in a long time (not since shortly before the Unpleasantness on Golgotha) and He had no idea if the kindly old man had made it to Paradise.
He was walking along, looking about when He spotted an elderly man sitting on a golden bench, sobbing as if his heart would break! Jesus immediately sat down next to the guy and asked what the matter was.
The old man raised his head and sobbed “I’m looking for my son!” Jesus was startled. “Tell me, Was your son REALLY your biological son?”
“No… he wasn’t. But he always wanted to be like all the other boys!”
“Well, was he… nonhuman… sort of?” Jesus leaned forward eagerly to hear the answer.
“Well, he looked human enough… but he wasn’t… really.”
Jesus was very excited “And are you… a carpenter?!”
“Yes… I was.”
“Is your name Joseph?”
“Well… translated, it is, I think…”
Jesus threw his arms about the old man “JOSEPH! FATHER!!”
The man wrapped Jesus in his arms and cried in joy “Oh, PINOCCHIO!!”

Q: How many adoptees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to be in the dark.

Q: How many Birth moms does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one – but we can’t tell you her name.

Q: How many contacted blood-relatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Why? Who wants to know? Who is this calling please?