Our scrapbooking blogger Nicole had a series she called the Friday Funnies . In that spirit I offer this humorous holiday incident, wondering whether other adopted kids have had the same experience.
My five-year-old and I were at a smaller shopping mall in our neighborhood. Santa wasn’t busy at the time. He saw my daughter looking at him and came closer to the picket fence of the space defined for photo-taking.
“Nee How! Nee How!” he said leaning toward Regina. He waved vigorously. “Nee how!”
I was wondering what was in Santa’s eggnog that day when I remembered that Ni Hao is “hello” in Chinese. Santa obviously thought Regina was Chinese.
“Oh, she’s Korean,” I offered. “It’s ‘AhnYong’”.
“Korean?” said the Santa, wide-eyed. “I don’t know that one…but I know Japanese, it’s konichiwa; I know Spanish, it’s hola; I know Russian…I know Dutch…”
I smiled brightly and nodded, taking Regina’s hand and beginning to walk on. (She didn’t object because she had, earlier that day, been to sit on Santa’s lap and be asked what she wanted for Christmas.)
Regina didn’t seem to have much reaction to what I thought was a slightly bizarre “conversation”. She’s heard me tell the story to my husband and again to our Korean au pair and didn’t seem to find the incident either funny or particularly interesting.
Regina doesn’t seem to have had any expectations about Santa’s not knowing that she was Korean (My older daughter would probably have wondered how someone who, according to the song, “sees her when she’s sleeping, knows when she’s awake and knows if she’s been bad or good” (not to mention knows her address to deliver her presents) wouldn’t know.
I’m reminded again, though, of how people will make assumptions based on my girls’ looks—assumptions about what language they speak, about how well they speak or understand English, assumptions about the countries and cultures placing children for adoption.
It’s also interesting to note that in our city we have a large Korean-American community and not a large Chinese one.
Santa’s assumptions are based in reality. In public at non-Korean events, I have run into more adopted Chinese children than adopted Korean children. My girls have had people assume they were Chinese. It’s understandable and not terribly bothersome to me, but kids hate to say no and have to explain—they’s rather nod and feel that they have pleased the adult.
Many people don’t know that there are kids who’ve been adopted from Vietnam, Cambodia, Kazakhstan and other Asian countries.
I have heard other Asians say that non-Asians think all Asians have the same basic culture as the Chinese. In truth Asia has many countries which all have different cultures and traditions.
There’s a positive here: Santa knows the value of reaching out to others in their own language. I don’t know whether he assumed that my husband was Chinese or that Regina was adopted. I suspect the latter, because of how many Chinese girls now live with Caucasian adoptive parents. There is a positive here too—adoption seems to be more common or at least more visible.
But, whether or not you moonlight as Santa, I ask you to remember not to assume nationality, language or culture based on appearance. Remember that you may be speaking to a second, third, fourth or fifth-generation Korean American who may know as much about Korea as my birth son knows about Lithuania: not much (although we plan to learn more). Or, you could be talking to an adopted child in much the same situation—feeling totally American, and wondering why people keep saying they’re something else.
Please see these related blogs:
Considerations in Adopting When You Already Have Children: Shared or Different Heritages
Mixed Feelings for a Child Member of the Majority Minority