I often write here in the Single Parents blog about how we naturally handle a lot of daily life details on our own, not to mention making some pretty major life decisions solo. This doesn’t always come easily for everyone and for many new single parents, it can be one of the toughest personal development leaps to make. I thought we might talk about ways to prepare yourself and build up your confidence for making decisions on your own.
Many moons ago, when I was coupled/married, my decision-making process usually involved talking things over with my spouse. We would hash things out and come to a joint decision. As a single parent, we have to develop other skills and methods to guide our decision making. While talking to a trusted friend or confident can still be an important part of the process, in the end we have to do what we alone think is the right thing to do.
I find that now I take more time making decisions that I used to if I can—I like to gather all the facts and figures and think about things for a while first. Whether it is buying a new living room furniture set, or switching banks, I know that if I give myself time to do the research and avoid feeling pressured or hurried into a decision, I make better decisions that I can live with.
I think we single parents need to be careful not to turn to our children as surrogate-partners and expect them to be actively involved in making major decisions. While I definitely listen to my kids and take in what they might have to say on things, I do not let them make the family decisions. A couple years ago, I was head-hunted and offered a very good job in a town about 3 hours away from where we live now—I wanted to know how my kids felt about it and we discussed what it might look like if I took the job, but in the end, I had to make the decision on my own—as the adult and the parent.
Whatever works for you—reading consumer reports, making lists of pros and cons, meditation, prayer, etc.—this is a time when you can learn new ways of decision-making and develop the skills and confidence to do it on your own. Of course, everything will not always turn out rosy, but we still have to stay engaged and make the best decisions on our own that we can.
Also: Making the Tough Decisions and Choices on Your Own
Making Decisions Under Stress?