Give Me Back My Big Toilet!

Dear Mr. President:

Okay, I know President Clinton meant to conserve an important resource when he took away our big toilets, but there is one huge problem Mr. President. I have to flush the thing three times to get all the junk down the pipe.

Before he left office, President Clinton signed many bills into law that would not affect his popularity. One of those laws requires that all toilets placed in new buildings and homes use no more than three gallons of water. (I actually think mine holds less than that.) This law was implemented to save water. It seemed like a noble idea and it was so good for the environment. Unfortunately, the reality is that the monsters gobble down a minimum of three flushes, and sometimes I have had to flush five or six times. If I flush three times and my toilet uses three gallons each time then I have used nine gallons and, therefore, have used almost twice the amount that my old five-gallon monster would use. It really saves on the water (Yes I am laughing).

There are some things the government does well like taking the money out our pockets and taking nice taxpayer funded vacations. Okay, back to the subject. Deciding what works in the bathroom is definitely not one of my government’s finest moments.

President Bush, when you are done handing a port over to the United Arab Emirates, would you please have some compassion on my war veteran husband? You see, he has nightmares about plugged toilets coming to eat him alive. Sometimes it is actually worse than any posttraumatic stress. Give him back his big commode and really save some water. In the process, you just might save his sanity and mine.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Army Wife