Today was Father’s Day. I spent the day having a BBQ with some friends, none of our children were in attendance. We are single mothers, this is not our day. Yet for many of us, it still is.
Getting your child for a day or two a month is not what it takes to be a father. Sending a child support check but not coming to their choir performance, is not what makes a father.
Just like being a mother, being a father is made up of a million little things, most that we do without thinking.
My daughter has a father and for a while he was a very active, involved parent, but he still was not the person who was there day in and day out. When she became a teenager and parenting her became more difficult, he checked out.
There were times when I would call him, in tears, because I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted his help, I felt like I was failing Hailey, she was making poor choices and I needed help guiding her. His standard answer was, “ I don’t know why you call me, she doesn’t listen to me either.”
So I became Hailey’s father as well as her mother. I met the boys who wanted to take her on dates. I was the one in the prom pictures when a boy picked her up. When she got her first car, I taught her how to check the oil and the tire pressure and how to change a taillight.
I know this is true for single dads as well, there are many who learn to braid hair and paint fingernails, all while the child’s mother was more active in her life.
So for all single moms and dads, Happy Fathers Day. We all deserve it, we’ve earned it.