One of the struggles and issues we single parents face is how to make peace and sense of a past that may have been troublesome and unpleasant. Many of us would rather just block everything out and forget what we’ve been through on our roads to becoming single parents—especially if we found our way to single parenthood through divorce or death. However, coming to some sense of peace with the past and actually being able to create and cultivate some respect for our past can actually be the very best thing for our children…
It certainly doesn’t come overnight—at least it didn’t for me! It took some time for me to be able to incorporate old stories and family times that took place prior to the divorce into our family lore. However, I notice that the more I am able to respect and incorporate a past that definitely existed, without being emotionally attached, the easier it is for my children. They need to be able to feel grounded and connected to all the elements and eras of their family—past, present, and future.
I have to admit it’s good for me too. After all, every moment of every day wasn’t horrible. It’s been good for me to learn to have compassion for the young wife and mother that I was, and appreciation for all the good intentions and attempts we all made at building a family. I don’t have to gloss over the tough and rough times or look at life through rose-colored glasses in order to cultivate some respect for a past that brought me to the wonderful place I am today. And, after all, I really do owe it to my kids to model a healthy way of weathering the storms of life and accepting all the pieces and parts that have been part of their childhood and sense of identity too.
See Also: Handling Daddy Questions and Expecting Too Much During Times of Crisis and Transition