Our family was visiting a botanical garden, and Kyle was very unhappy. As we walked through the trails between the trees and blossoming bushes, he covered his ears and squinted his eyes, sometimes humming to himself. “He’s afraid of bees,” his older brother informed me.
I was somewhat surprised. I’d had an inkling he didn’t like bees, but now I was seeing the real depth of his fear. A couple times on our walk, for no apparent reason, Kyle would shriek and duck in horror, as if aliens were attacking. Sometimes I saw the culprit “bee” (several times it was merely a butterfly or fly) and sometimes there was no sign of anything at all.
Causes of Irrational Fears in the Special Needs Child
- Sensory Integration Disorder – Children with special needs are especially prone to irrational fears, for several reasons. One possibility is that due to sensory integration disorder, ordinary sounds or other stimuli may be magnified or cause unpleasant sensations. I wonder, for example, if the sound of a buzzing fly or bee near Kyle’s ear causes him discomfort. I doubt that he fears getting “stung,” and I’m not even sure he conceptualizes that possibility. I think it’s the sound that disturbs him. Yet it was clear he was reacting out of fear of the sound, because sometimes he shrieked when no bee was present.
- Fantasy vs. Reality – Another reason that special needs children may experience irrational fears is that, while typical children begin to differentiate between fantasy and reality, the special needs child may get “stuck” and take longer than usual to pass through this cognitive stage, making her uncertain what is real and what isn’t.
- Lack of Physical Control – A child with motor difficulties may eventual sense his own helplessness and dependence on others, and the realization of this vulnerability may cause fear that someone will take him or control him against his will. These realizations may lead to irrational fears about monsters or witches or other imaginary forces exerting unwanted control.
- Lack of Control over Environment – One of my gifted children went through a phase where he was terrified of tornadoes. It didn’t seem to matter that we live in a state where tornadoes are virtually non-existent. He recognized that his fear made no sense, but still seemed paralyzed by it. If a few dark clouds gathered in the sky, he became obsessed with the idea that a tornado might come and destroy our home. After some long, in-depth discussions it became obvious that there was a deeper fear, that due to his parent’s divorce, he might be moved out of his primary home. The tornado seemed to symbolize the mounting chaos in his life and lack of control over his world. Once we uncovered the deeper fear and I was able to reassure him that he would not have to move, the tornado fear disappeared.
Here are some ways you can help your child overcome irrational fears:
- Demonstrate Empathy: Rather than scold your child or make her feel like her fears are ridiculous, listen and express empathy. Sometimes just having been heard and understood will help alleviate the intensity of the fear. Empathy does not mean agreeing that the “monster under the bed” exists, but that you understand that the child is upset by it. “I can tell you’re really worried about that,” or “Honey, I’m sorry you’re feeling so scared.”
- Help Your Child to Feel Empowered: If the fear involves darkness, get your child his own flashlight. If the child fears you leaving him alone at bedtime, provide a tape of your voice telling him stories. If the fear involves imaginary creatures, have him create and draw a super hero that can beat the bad guys. Hang the picture in his room. If the child is cognitively able to understand, provide a book about bees or tornadoes that puts the irrational beliefs into perspective. And continually remind your child that you believe in him. You know he is strong, and capable. Remind him of times he was brave.
- Use Floor Time Play to Act out Scenarios: Provide opportunities for your child to act out what scares her. If she’s afraid of ghosts, use a doll to represent her and a pillowcase to be the “ghost.” Have the ghost initially frighten the doll, but the doll cries, “Go away, ghost! You don’t scare me!” Make the ghost shrink and leave. Have your child act out the role of the doll and the ghost. It may be especially important for your child to “be” the thing that scares her, like the ghost in this example, so she can exert her own control over the fear.
- Create Expectations and Limits: Children with irrational fears need a greater amount of structure and limits. Often times the underlying fear comes from a sense of chaos or sensory overload. Structure and routine can bring a sense of peace and predictability to a child who feels overwhelmed by his daily activities. Don’t be harsh, but tighten up the daily schedule. Use a day planner or transition board to carefully structure the day. Set a specific bedtime, set meal times, and make free time predictable and organized.
It may help to realize that the fears themselves are often a sign of progress—the child is transitioning toward more logical thoughts and feelings. In most cases, this stage is temporary. As your child begins to understand the world around her and improves her ability to express herself, her irrational fears are likely to diminish.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here.