Sometimes as parents we forget that childhood can be full of changes for our kids. These changes include developmental milestones like going from diapers to underwear. It can also include serious changes like divorce, death of a loved one or getting a new sibling after being an only child for many years. It can also include a life-altering experience like a hurricane that comes to town uninvited and uproots you from the only home you have ever known.
Tyler has done remarkably well since Katrina but I know it bothers him that things have changed. I know he’s looking forward to our return home but he has questioned whether this could happen again. I have to be honest with him and tell him that no one knows for sure.
How do you help kids deal with life changes? One way is to write a life book. I found this idea in, Raising Young Children Well, by Sandra Radzanower Wolkoff, Neala S. Schwartzberg, and Jane E. Meckwood-Yazdpour. When changes happen in a child’s life, they need their parents to sit down with them and talk about what’s happened. Making a life book is a good way to do this. Here’s how to make the book:
(1) Try to think of the event as an opportunity to learn. If you are moving to another state, for instance, you can write about all the new places you will visit and have your kids think of the move as an adventure. The same is true if your child is going to a new school. Stress the fact that they will make new friends and that they can still keep in touch with old friends.
(2) Talk about the positive outcomes you are expecting for your kids. Becoming potty trained might mean getting character underwear, for instance.
(3) Acknowledge that your child may experience anger and/or sadness over the demands being placed on him. If your child is moving from a crib to a bed, write about the fear he might encounter as he makes the transition from “baby” to “big boy”.
(4) Include art work in your book. Having your kids draw is one way that their true emotions come through. Many times a child won’t verbally tell you what it is they are feeling but will reveal it through their artwork.
The book should be simply with short descriptive sentences. In fact, the authors recommend that you strive to keep them short and simple. The idea is that the books will help your kids to deal with changes and also to open the door to more conversation. It’s also something tangible that they can hold on to, carry with them for comfort and read over and over again.
See also:
Helping Kids Deal With News Trauma
Helping Kids Cope With Natural Disasters
Why Does God Let Tragedies Happen